Jessica: The Past
C.S. Lewis, in the preface to his book The Great Divorce, wrote: “A sum can be put right: but only by going back till you find the error and working it afresh from that point, never by simply going on. Evil can be undone, but it cannot ‘develop’ into good. Time does not heal it. The spell must be unwound, bit-by-bit, ‘with backward mutters of dissevering power’ – or else not. It is still ‘either-or’. If we insist on keeping Hell (or even Earth) we shall not see heaven: if we accept Heaven we shall not be able to retain even the smallest and most intimate souvenirs of Hell.”
I am an avoider; I disassociate from events that I don’t want to think or talk about and I ignore pain and frustration until it gets to a dangerous bubbling point. I feel as though the truth of C.S. Lewis’ statement has revealed itself drastically in my life. When I ignore my sin or pain I am hurting myself. By allowing sin or it’s effects to exist in my life without healing and acceptance of God’s sovereignty then I am effectively cutting off a part of myself. Without looking at a particular situation and working through it, we can’t be whole. Jesus knows everything that we have done or ever could do; every sin that we have or will commit came upon him on the cross when he became sin in order to save us. He has no judgment or condemnation for us, on the contrary he desires to strengthen us so that we can revisit these occurrences in our lives and see where God is.
My father died when I was 17, and I carried the pain and confusion within me for two years. I could see the negative consequences of not working through it come out in outbursts of anger and frustration and intense doubt and disbelief in my spiritual walk. However, when I came to the War College I was finally able to ask Jesus to heal me of that tragedy in my life. He brought me comfort and closure and I am delivered from the anger towards both my earthly and heavenly fathers.
In your prayers one day, take 15 minutes and ask the lord to bring to mind a specific situation from your past. Imagine this situation in your mind and then ask Jesus where he is, what is happening and what he wishes to do with the situation. Trust Jesus to give you a true interpretation and to convict your heart of his reality. Pray about whatever he reveals to you and know that he came to give you life in the full.
Jessica is one of two War College Students stationed to The Salvation Army High Point for the summer. Aside from her work in the community, Jessica will also be blogging with us for the next while. Jessica loves to read, study and learn theology. She is also an avid board game guru and loves to connect with friends over a good game.
Read Jessica’s blog every week on Pointful.ca.